Relationship Expectations – Getting Them Right
– Muhammad Sohaib Niazi
Optimism in expectations is a far cry these days. We as a society are more inclined towards negative views with regard to expecting good things. Switch on a TV drama or movie, and your mind will be bombarded with disappointments. It is rather becoming a norm to advise “Hey! Don’t expect anything in this harsh world”. Some people even try their luck but still they do not succeed to not to expect and get hurt. The expectations even come when you least want them to be there, humans have a tendency to expect the results from their inputs in relations.
The question is why we set the alarm for tomorrow morning when we don’t want to expect life for another day? A depressed person will always be found saying, “I have stopped expecting good from people. What good can these people give? They go where purse jingles with money.” And so on…
You will find many people around you who will advertise their changed cup of tea of not expecting from anyone now on. Enough is enough, they are now fully determined to debug statistics gurus-no number of samples are enough to give 100% probability of happening or non-happening of an event in future as it happened in past. A close eye on them will find them being miserable again and again in their lives. Einstein was not wrong to say, first learn the rules of the game and then play smart. For who will know how to win, will win. It is not possible to cut people and relationships out of the perceivably great but ridiculously interdependent humans.
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and in the same way and expecting the different results. People miss the trick- They don’t change either the “thing” or “the way”. You should be eager to know how we can get those pushing expectations right in our relationships, the rose a girl expected, the car an employee expected, the time a friend expected and the never ending list. Let us talk something about rules of the “expectations in relationships”:
The First and Foremost Rule
Categorize all the linked people in your life in two main categories: Hands to shake; and Hands to Hold.
- Hands to Shake
This category will include all the people in your life whom you take as not closest ones but more a need of particular time, work or venture. While making the list don’t forget that this list is purely subjective to you. It may include any person, from even your blood and immediate relatives to your colleagues, fellows, bosses, and so on.
- Hands to Hold
This will again be subjective only to you. Form the list with best awareness of your relationship strengths with people around you. It may include any intimate friend who never cheated on you, or even a sincere teacher, boss, brother, sister, mother, all of them or none of them and some others.
What to Remember
When you have Hands to Hold category relation with anyone, greater probability is that you both will know much about each other, humans are imperfect and have dark sides beside good sides-the probable reason you both are intimate is you both are, for each other, more good than not. So never ever make someone fall from Hands to Hold to Hands to Shake category on account of some forgivable mistakes for which they apologize to you. Knowing about each other’s inner souls, beneath the shells of persona is a symbol of trust and love that the other person has put in you and vice versa. Be wise in categorizing people in both categories. Don’t get unloving to Hands to Hold only because they have some dark sides, yes they should be sincere to you and good in majority of parameters. Subjective lists to you are very important, same sun that melts the ice hardens the clay, for some other person an individual may be no one in millions, for you that individual may be one in millions. Respect your own territory and categorize with regard to the worth of people according to your relation.
Point of action – Hands to Shake
How to get the expectations right? Here is the key, with regard to Hands to Shake try and maintain a persona of your real and true self, what you truly are is not what the Hands to Shake people deserve and you should wear that persona not to deceive, not to take unfair advantages but to keep the relation work one sided for you. It means to serve, care, help and share your goodness with these people but not to expect back from this category of people. It will give you peace of mind and as you will not expect return on investments. However you will get credibility, peace, and a personal space from these people, who according to you- don’t deserve to be expected from and are just people who will matter for some time, some years or till some venture ends. So why not be good to them without expecting something in return, and keeping them at a distance from your true self. Minding your business with these people will do the job.
Point of action – Hands to Hold
Now comes the action agenda with Hands to Hold- these are the people you need to have relation working both ways-fulfill their expectations out of love and expect back with least fear. If at first you chose these people carefully, you will least be disappointed in showing your true self to them and expecting love, care, sincerity and loyalty. You can re-think about your choices and shift people from one category to another when you find the right reasons and enough reasons to do so. Pointing again that you will find faults in Hands to Hold, sometimes more than in Hands to Shake, simply because for Hands to Shake you may also be Hands to Shake to them, and they hide their true selves from you, consequently you form great and unfortunately false perceptions about their good personalities. On the other hand you will know Hands to Hold completely, so choose wisely and respect the completeness of those sincere Hands to Hold.
Now be fearless and don’t bother getting hurt often and being trapped by waves of not expecting. Always expect from the right people and you will remember that your brain has now been knitted better than ever on relationship expectations.