Excellence in Marital Relationships
– Muhammad Sohaib Niazi
Marriage is a sacred gift and it is up to the concerned couple to make it work. This is one unique yet most intimate relationship in the world. One should invest the energies to understand, learn and practice the tools of excellence in marriage. It is something which is of value to almost all kinds of people.
Let us learn the basic tools to excel in our marriage, the tips are in no particular order of importance. All are equally important at their respective places as far as their utility and need is concerned.
- Know the Nature and Priorities
Getting to understand the priorities and innate nature of your spouse will ease up things in the long run. This will ensure that you are smart enough to respect the nominal differences and variations in the taste and attitude. Don’t get into the trap that if you love someone, you can never have any difference with that person. Enjoying the commonalities and respecting the differences will do nicely for you.
- Be Active
One should be active in the marriage relationship. You should spend time to improve and learn what your partner wants off you. You just can’t rely on “Accept me as I am”. The reason is you won’t accept the other as the other person is. It means that one should do enough efforts to please the partner with respect to one’s genuine needs and wishes. For example: making yourself physically fit, spending time for personal hygiene and bodily care, learning some important life skills etc. These things will enhance the commonalities and will bridge the gaps.
- Keep on Falling in Love with Each Other
The marriage bond is not an end. It is a start to a never ending love story. You should make active efforts to invest in it before you expect to reap the fruits. Be romantic, facilitate the partner to get engaged with you in all the different ways. Enjoy the anniversaries, do the chores together, enjoy the out-of-ordinary things, hang out together, show love in new ways, keep reminding practically as well as orally that you value your spouse more than ever before.
- Balance Emotions and Rationality
Life is not a bed of roses. In order to strengthen your marriage, you should bank on the balance. Love stories often come to a halt when there are many popped up balloons of emotions and the couple don’t keep the minds with their hearts. Partners should be vary of the fact that they should respect the genuine logic, pieces of advice from each other that, even if it mean sacrificing your some wishes, are of their own benefit. The all-important life decisions should be taken together, with ample trust and faith in each other. These decisions will make or break your life. They need to have a strong vision for future goals and should follow the logic wherever necessary.
- Being Practically Genuine and Vulnerable
One should of course make the spouse a hand to hold forever. Therefore there is no need for ballooned egos and pretending to be an iron man or lady. Simply, the more you show your fears and failings to your partner, the more trust you gain. The invulnerable is often not loved because such person is often too strong to be held on by a common individual. Being genuine means that you should have complete faith in each other, no lies, no hiding of mistakes and problems. Marriage is about a couple, so the risks and losses are also shared as the rewards.
No issues should be advertised to outside people, no matter how keen helpers they might appear. Most of them will merely satisfy their curiosity, others will dig the holes bigger and will try to use the gaps between you two. That is why your love circle should start and complete with your partner only. Just be best friends and loyal enough to stand for each other through thick and thin and be honest partners. Respect the privacy of your life before you expect others to respect your privacy. Soulmates are formed not only by the aligned chemistry of thoughts but also by allowing the partner to penetrate in to the soul to see all the wishes, fears and limitations.
- Know How to Direct Quarrels
Every couple, no matter how happy they may seem, fight at several moments in life. No person is always in good mood, agreeable or sound listener every time. The difference between happy couples and failed relationships is that happy couples know how to fight and re-direct it. You should be aware of each other’s moods, values, tastes and the way one gets better during the quarrel. May be you feel better to be caressed, some may feel good to be left alone for some time or to be heard with no critical feedback. There is no law compelling you to emotionally react when your significant other is in bad mood. Just be patient, take care of the partner and soon you two will gather the love. That partner should apologize and you can respond rationally with your stance at a later time when you both feel comfortable. In healthy relations there are no grievances, normal quarrels are also a sign of care and possessiveness.
One should not expect the partner to always know what you want. Both partners should communicate their needs, wishes and love. Communication is the life blood of any relation. Communication has another important aspect – one should not leave the partner alone for a time long enough and often enough to rust the intimacy of your relation. You should take into account your spouse before any other aspect of your life – career, job, education, travel etc. Therefore, invest quality time in your relation.
- Gratitude and Thankful Attitude
You should be thankful to your spouse for every good thing that came your way due to that person. Often some partners neglect thanking often, so as to reap more and more benefits and showing the partner that you are never enough. There is nothing poorer than this attitude. Humans invest more in relations where the others value their contributions and love, not where there every effort is undermined and undervalued. One day the partner will get sick of such attitude and will stop caring. Be wise.
- Feelings and Romance
Get to know the emotional language of your spouse and hit those codes. Romance is an essential ingredient of a health relation. Stay colorful, seductive and caring for your spouse. One doesn’t get old by age, rather by attitude. Enjoy intimate relations and find time for your personal wishes and wants amid all the chore and responsibilities of life. Keep the life interesting by all means. Enjoy the time and life together. Prioritize each other so that the bond strengthens with each passing day.
- Be Compassionate and Forgiving
Be compassionate to your partner and always try to help your spouse with the life issues and problems. Lift their confidence and morale. Give them back up to make a comeback much stronger. Be forgiving in your attitude. Don’t hold onto grievances for long time. Mistakes are part of life. If your spouse cares for you genuinely and commits some normal mistake, be larger than life to accept the apology.
This list is not exhaustive, yet enough said to facilitate you excel in your marital relationships. Last but not the least, marriage is not a big deal rather a combination of small acts of love practiced daily. So keep on learning and improving your relationship. Soon you will find yourself to be in one of the most lovable marriage relationship. Be willing to accept, and blessings are already there knocking at the door. Deserve them! Have an awesome marriage.